"Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist but in the ability to start over." --F. Scott Fitzgerald

I don’t think that I am the only person in the world who was raised not knowing what to do with their feelings. Am I??  I grew up thinking that if I felt a certain way, that feeling must be true. So, if I felt unloved, it must be true that I was not loved. If I felt loved by someone, then they must really love me. If I felt that I was a failure because once or twice or even thrice, I made a choice that wasn’t the wisest choice to make in any given situation, then I must not be a good person or a wise person or whatever…you get the picture. My feelings ruled my life.

I worked for a motivational speaker once who said we are all half jerk and half jewel. That might be more true than I would like to admit.  I recently told a friend that something in my life was a mixed blessing. I meant it as a good thing.  Isn’t life made up of joys and challenges?  Acknowledging them as both important and even necessary seems to me to be a vital component of a healthy person’s make-up.  Prosperity schmosperity….we can’t be happy and perfect all of the time, it just doesn’t make sense.    Since logically we know it’s not possible, why not just admit that some days will be diamonds and some days will be stones and we are still okay – even good -  as people, even when we are having a jerky, stony, challenging day?

Here’s an American fairy tale with a twist:  Once upon a time, not too long ago, something happened in my life in the space of 1 hour that made me feel like I had won the lottery of all lotteries. I was jubilant and I have to admit that I said to the god in me that I sometimes talk things over with- “thank you for this blessing…an acknowledgement that I have been faithful (and good) and now it has paid off.”   (see, Calvinism is not as easy to leave behind as some might think)    Now, before the “something” happened, life had been good…going along at an even keel...and I had made my peace with the way life was unfolding. I was content.   

But, when this something happened- I was ecstatic……     However, the very next day I realized that I had misunderstood what had actually happened.  The rug was pulled out from under me and I was despondent. I spent that whole day…I remember that it was a Wednesday… distraught, teary and downhearted.

On Thursday morning I suddenly had an awakening: I realized that my life was still the same as it had been on Monday before the big something had happened. The only thing that had changed IN REALITY was my feelings. My life was not bad just because I felt sad and disappointed. Literally NOTHING HAD CHANGED except that I had gotten my hopes up…I FELT different. Wow!! That experience was an eye opener. I realized right then how I was letting my feelings tweak me and rule my life. Don’t get me wrong…I love my feelings. But I can’t control them and at the same time, they don’t need to control me. They are another one of those mixed blessings.

The moral of the fairy tale:  How wonderful to be filled with the vitality ….strength, vigor, life…to be able to learn from our challenges and choose a better way the second time or the tenth time…around!  And now I can live happily ever after….mostly. It’s all holy now…even the bad times.

The End.