"Compassion is the antitoxin of the Soul." --- Eric Toffler

My father and I had a rocky beginning that lasted until I was well over 40.  My mother said the reason we couldn’t get along was that we were so much alike. To this day I still don’t really know if that is true…but I suppose there is a kernel of truth in it. When I was a teen and a young adult I would have defined my feelings for him as hatred.  I chose to marry when I was 18 mostly so I could get away from my father. Of course, you all know that nothing is that simple and cut and dried and there is a lot more to the story but we’ll save all of that for other times- if it even needs to be told at all. The point is, I did not like my father and did not get along with him.

One day, somewhere in my early 40’s, I was journaling and talking to the god in me that I sometimes talk things over with. My writing had led me to a place where I was remembering some of the things that had happened between my father and me when I was a teen. The god voice in me suggested that if I would put myself in my father’s shoes and try to see what it was like to grow up as my father did, then I might be able to understand why he is the way he is. So…that’s what I did. I took a little trip back to his childhood in the 1940s and 50s and tried to piece together a visual picture of what his life had been like, using the information I knew from family stories. What I saw…and felt… when I actually did that changed the way that I would see my father forever. I don’t need to tell all of the story- what I need to tell now is that through that journaling exercise I was able to cultivate compassion towards my father and that has changed my life and the life of my family.

The word compassion comes from the Latin word meaning “co-suffering.”  Compassion is regarded as a virtue. A virtue is a quality deemed to be morally excellent. I guess I’m not so much concerned about being morally excellent…although it’s not a bad thing. What I am trying to be is more loving. Compassion is one of the components of love and like love, can be cultivated. It is not a gift one is given at birth so that either you have it or you don’t. Love is a difficult concept to actually live out – it isn’t just the mushy happiness we see in the movies- it is tough and messy more times than not.

Yesterday I found myself going down memory lane in the life of another person I have had difficulty with and danged if I didn’t start feeling a little compassion for that person as well. I guess the old saying about not judging a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes holds some truth. So the question for me is, how can I live my life each day practicing compassion- co-suffering- with those I come in contact with, as a way to be a more loving person?  Mohammed said that a person is not truly a believer in the ways of Allah unless they desire for their fellow humans what they desire for themselves….and don’t we all really just want to be understood, accepted…loved?