I can't imagine a more miserable life than living a divided life where it feels like the person you truly are is negated constantly by the situation in which you find yourself...where you have a hard time keeping your balance from meeting to meeting because the "floor" of your messed up world rocks like a ship in a storm. I know that I can't imagine a more miserable life because I've lived that divided life and I'm here to tell you, it doesn't feel like living...it more closely resembles what I would call torture. (I've really "lived" before too...fortunate me...so I know the difference. Imagine what one would be tempted to try to endure if one was under the mistaken assumption that what they were going through was "living".)
There are times, even in a life lived in wholeness, that things are difficult....many times. I'm not saying that if things are tough then we are living a divided life. I am talking about a person who knows in their spirit what their truth is....who they really are... but the situation in which they find themselves....what is expected of them.... is constantly trying to erode that self knowledge and truth. I think it happens in our world much more than we would like to admit. We talk bravely about the need to "learn to play the game"....that before one can change the rules one needs to become an insider and learn to play by the messed up rules. I've said those things myself before.
Here's the danger as I see it: Each moment we deny who we are as a person of wholeness and integrity, and engage in a system of deceit and brokenness, is a moment where we are taking a dangerous chance with our spirit. When I used to make snotty faces at my mother she used to tell me to be careful or my face might stay that way. I wonder how many fractured souls started out as someone just trying to play the game until they got some power....and now their face can't change back?
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