To Be or Not to Be...that really IS the question

I can't imagine a more miserable life than living a divided life where it feels like the person you truly are is negated constantly by the situation in which you find yourself...where you have a hard time keeping your balance from meeting to meeting because the "floor" of your messed up world rocks like a ship in a storm. I know that I can't imagine a more miserable life because I've lived that divided life and I'm here to tell you, it doesn't feel like living...it more closely resembles what I would call torture. (I've really "lived" before too...fortunate me...so I know the difference. Imagine what one would be tempted to try to endure if one was under the mistaken assumption that what they were going through was "living".)

There are times, even in a life lived in wholeness, that things are difficult....many times. I'm not saying that if things are tough then we are living a divided life. I am talking about a person who knows in their spirit what their truth is....who they really are... but the situation in which they find themselves....what is expected of them.... is constantly trying to erode that self knowledge and truth. I think it happens in our world much more than we would like to admit. We talk bravely about the need to "learn to play the game"....that before one can change the rules one needs to become an insider and learn to play by the messed up rules. I've said those things myself before.

Here's the danger as I see it: Each moment we deny who we are as a person of wholeness and integrity, and engage in a system of deceit and brokenness, is a moment where we are taking a dangerous chance with our spirit. When I used to make snotty faces at my mother she used to tell me to be careful or my face might stay that way. I wonder how many fractured souls started out as someone just trying to play the game until they got some power....and now their face can't change back?

Blessed

I often say I feel blessed...or that I am so blessed...

Today I got to thinking, what does it mean to be blessed? What am I really saying when I say "I feel blessed"?

I don't think it means that I am more special than anyone else.

The dictionary says that blessed means to be made holy, to be sacred or sanctified, to be held in reverence, set apart. Those definitions don't help me very much.

I read in a blog recently that we are all blessed by God to succeed in all we do. I guess I don't buy that either since I know lots of people who aren't succeeding...whatever that really means. If I subscribe to that definition, it means that the people who are having hard times and don't appear to be succeeding are not a success because they are not doing what God wants them to do....and who really knows what the divine wants from another person? Can we really judge that? Sounds too much like the belief that if you aren't prospering...according to my definition, of course...you aren't close to God. I just can't buy the belief that those who are living in unjust situations, who are needy, who are struggling, are doing so because they are not doing God's will.

So...back to being blessed.
I guess when I say that I am blessed I am acknowleging the gifts of life that I have been given, whether I deserve them or not. I am acknowleging that I am a breathing, loving, human being who is graced every day...every moment... with the stuff of the universe....the air, the rain, the sun, technology, violence, poverty, plenty....and it is up to me to make something out of them. Maybe the real blessing is the ability to freely choose the life I wish to live....with its ups and its downs. Maybe the blessing is just to be and to be thankful for what is.

Last night we were walking in the park and there were

dragonflies EVERYWHERE.  

One landed and took off on Chloe's head and I said, "You were blessed.”

She said "Yeah, that's really cool!  It's like some people are blessed when the priest touches their head,

but Unitarians are blessed by dragonflies.”

Shawne, mother of Chloe, & Chloe Coonfare, age 10

3 Poems to Ponder on a Rainy Sunday

I attended a week long Spirituality and Art retreat at St. Meinrad's Monastery in St. Meinrad, Indiana, during the summer of 2010. I was looking back over the entries I made in my journal that summer and reaquainted myself with some of the riches I discovered during that week. Here are a few of the treasures. Enjoy!




The Trouble with Epiphanies
by John L'Heureux

Christ came into my room and stood there
and I was bored to death.
I had work to do.
I wouldn't mind if he'd been crippled or something
-I do well with cripples-
but he just stood there, all face
and with that damned guitar.
I didn't ask him to sit down,
He'd have stayed all day.
Let's be honest.
You can be crucified just so often-
Then you've had it.
I mean you're useless; no good to God,
Let alone anyone else.
So I said to him after a while,
Well, what's up? What do you want?
And he laughed, stupid,
Said he was just passing by
And thought he'd say hello.
Great, I said. Hello.
So he left.
And I was so mad
I couldn't even listen to the radio.
I went and got some coffee.
The trouble with Christ is
He always comes at the wrong time.




"You must learn one thing,
the world was made to be free in.
Give up all other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and
the sweet confinement of your aloneness
to learn anyone or anything that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."
from "Sweet Darkness" by David Whyte






The Well of Grief
by David Whyte

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source
from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else."

Let Go & Listen

I have a bad habit of thinking that I know what is best for other people. I am confessing this sin because I think it is a character defect that many share with me....if there is one thing I have learned in my 53+ years it is that I am not so unusual. I am just the same as everyone else, even if I'd like to think I'm completely unique.

When I project my expectations of how things should be onto someone else, I am failing to recognize the talents and gifts dwelling within the other person. That means that I am negating their uniqueness as an individual and expecting them to fit my mold. How can I really know what lies within another- their potential, their desires, dreams and ambitions- unless they tell me those things? When I am so busy telling them what they should be doing, in effect trying to fix them, or even thinking those things silently, I am not listening to the person and what they are trying to tell me. My mind is closed.

Letting go of my agenda and listening...I think those are the keys to compassion and unconditional love.

LISTEN. When I listen, I am hearing what the other person is saying to me and the dialogue that constantly chatters away in my mind is turned off and not criticising. If I ask a question, it is just to clarify something the talker said that I do not understand. It is not a question meant to lead the speaker in another direction....the path I think they should be on. No giving advice unless specifically asked to do so and then use words sparingly.

"An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires, so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, step inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again."  --M. Scott Peck, MD

In his book, Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer says: "The key to this form of community involves holding a paradox- the paradox of having relationships in which we protect each other's aloneness. We must come together in ways that respect the solitude of the soul, that avoid the unconscious violence we do when we try to save each other, that evoke our capacity to hold another life without dishonoring its mystery, never trying to coerce the other into meeting our own needs."

Amen Brother Palmer. For when all is said and done and boiled down to the essence, what I believe is going on when I try to tell someone else what they should do, or even silently ridicule them, is fear. Fear that someone else will try a different approach than mine and thus call my way of being into question. If others are doing what I am doing then my way of doing things is okay, right? If the road is crowded with fellow travelers then obviously I'm going in the right direction, aren't I?  Fear of uncertainty, inferiority, insecurity....fears that I allow to define me, for fear is natural and even healthy. I can't get away from having fears but I can try not to live out of the fear. Instead I want to choose compassion- opening my heart to the experiences of the other person, truly listening, and allowing that person to define themselves, just as I expect to choose for myself. May it be so for all of us as we swim in this holy water called life.

Who are you? Who, who, who, who....I really wanna know....

"We cannot speak in the abstract of any one form of life as higher than another....for the best and highest form of life is, for each one, the particular way to which he or she is personally called."            ---Saint Simeon




One of the questions I am asked often when I am having a conversation with someone about living the life I am called to live is: "How does a person know who they are called to be?" The answer is simple and yet the most difficult- you just know. However, there are some things a person can do to reveal the answer to themselves.....for it is each person who must answer the question for themselves. I can't tell you who you are called to be. It is up to you to discern that answer.



Parker Palmer says in his powerful small book, Let Your Life Speak,  
"Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent..... My youthful understanding of "Let your life speak" led me to conjure up the highest values I could imagine and then try to conform my life to them whether they were mine or not....trying to live by an abstract norm will invariably fail- and may even do great damage. Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about- quite apart from what I would like it to be about- or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions. "  




The Bhagavad Gita (chapter 3, verse 35) says:
"It is better to strive in one's own dharma than to succeed in the dharma of another. Nothing is ever lost in following one's own dharma, but competition in another's dharma breeds fear and insecurity." ( dharma = right work. The opposite is work that leads only to a paycheck.)




Christian writer Max Lucado has a book called, Cure for the Common Life, in which he leads the reader, step by step, to discover what exciting things the Universe has in store for them. He suggests that your ability unveils your destiny. Lucado encourages people to look back over their lives and note what they have done well on a consistent basis. What have you loved to do? "Relish your moments of success and satisfaction. For in the merger of the two, you find your uniqueness."  Lucado suggests using this method to become more clear about your unique calling- your STORY:
1.  What are your Strengths?   What things come to you easily and lead you to wonder why others can't do them?
2.   What is your Topic? What objects do you enjoy working with? .....people or things?
3.   What are your Optimal conditions? What factors trigger your motivation? ..... need, problems, predicatible routine, surprise, building, maintaining etc.
4.   What about Relationships?  .....in a group, alone, on a small team?
5.   Yes!
When do your Strengths, Topic, Optimal conditions, and Relationship pattern converge in such a fashion that you say, "Yes!"?    When they do, you are living out your STORY.
(from pages 35-38 in Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado)




May you have fun exploring your unique story as you discern your life's calling. Choose to live your best life by discovering what you love to do, exploring that passion deeply, and then expressing it as the theme of your life. Then you will be living your own dharma.

Peace Be With You

Friday Food For Thought

"Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. ....get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed."   --- Abraham Joshua Heschel








"A radically spiritual person is not caught in a religious box, but is able to connect with all the peoples of the world striving for righteousness and human dignity, no matter what faith, whether Muslim, Christian, Jew, Hindu or Communist.

Most importantly, a person subscribing to radical spirituality seeks knowledge of the Divine in himself and without, not limiting himself to said holy books, but sees holiness in all things, for all things embrace God and reflect God. The negative is but a reflection of the positive as darkness reflects the absence of light."   ---Marvin X (El Muhajir)



"People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state--it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle.... Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one's actions."
--- Abraham Joshua Heschel




"Verbal prayers make sense, I think, if you know in advance that talking to God is like talking to your dog. You say human words to your dog, but she pretty much ignores that in favor of how you smell. Similarly, whatever divinity there is hears your words of prayer but very likely ignores all you say in favor of the aroma of your heart: your kindness, your compassion - for both your own poor soul and for your have-not brothers and sisters in the world. But the words of your prayer do matter to you: they give shape to your thoughts; they warm and give color to your soul and spur you to a focused listening."   --- William Cleary

Constant Companions

 "As a youth, I remember feeling cheated out of rich content in my education when I listened to my mother in times of sorrow or tenderness, lovingly recite entire poems and passages from books she studied in high school." -- Ben Johnson, Education Consultant

I envy people who were raised in religious traditions where rote prayer was required. I know the initial memorization was probably a drag but it seems to me that the rewards of the finished product would be long-lasting and worth the effort.   I find great value in memorizing short prayers and mantras for use when I need to center myself, comfort myself, comfort others, or stay in the present moment. A constant friend in the time of loss or anxiety, memorization of prayers creates a fertile ground in our being for composing our own prayers. Many of the famous pray-ers in history started their devotional time with memorized prayers and then went on to compose their own soul thoughts.

"To pray is to pay attention to something or someone other than oneself. Whenever a man so concentrates his attention -- on a landscape, a poem, a geometrical problem, an idol, or the True God -- that he completely forgets his own ego and desires, he is praying. The primary task of the schoolteacher is to teach children, in a secular context, the technique of prayer." -- W. H. Auden

My favorite prayers:

May I have the courage today,

to live the life that I would love

to postpone my dream no longer,

but do at last what I came here for

and waste my heart on fear no more.

   ---John O'Donohue

Most high and glorious God,

bring light to the darkness of my heart.

Give me right faith, certain hope, and perfect charity.

Lord give me insight and wisdom,

That I might always discern,

Your holy and true will.

   --- St. Francis of Assisi

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Worthy of memorization:

Let me harmonize my singular melody
with the colossal chorus of all creation,
in all space, and in all time,
so that what I do promotes the evolution of your desires,
Spirit of God in almost perfect hiding,
and what you desire
grows as a discernable pattern beneath my efforts. Amen
   ---William Cleary in Prayers to an Evolutionary God

Holy Cloud of Being,
God of radical and intimate closeness,
in your presence we pray our inadequate words
of adoration and surrender.
You have blessed us with life and consciousness,
with mobility and creativity,
we would, for our part, fulfill all your intentions for us
though every thought we have of you
is paradoxical and inadequate.
   ---William Cleary in Prayers to an Evolutionary God 








Everthing I see, hear,
touch, feel, taste,
speak, think, imagine,
is completing a perfect circle
God has drawn.
   ---Meister Eckhart











With passion pray.
With passion work.
With passion eat and drink
and dance and play.
Why look like a dead fish in this ocean of God?
   ---Rumi

What we have that they don't...

I don't know that I believe that humans are smarter than animals and spiders and such. There is a spider who lives by the front entrance to my house that is awesomely intelligent and creative. It spins fantastic huge webs at night to catch flying meals and in the morning the spider takes down that same intricate web in a matter of seconds and moves its home to the rain gutter for the day. I consider that arachnid to be a highly intricate creature. However, there is one thing I don't think that spider can do....tell stories. That is something that only humans can do.


Our stories are what distinguishes us in the animal kingdom. Our stories create us and lead us to find places to belong and thrive. I doubt that humans can really be healthy without telling their stories.

When my friend Susan and I were on vacation in the North Carolina, we stopped into Lester Sporting Goods in Bryson City to buy fishing licenses. While waiting for one of the owners of the shop to process our information we talked about fishing spots in the area and our clerk's love of fishing. His mother was standing at the back counter altering a pair of pants and was part of the conversation. At one point she said, "You know, the love of fishin' brought my husband out of a 61 day coma." Then she proceeded to tell us that once when her husband was in a coma, in an effort to bring him around, they all took turns talking to him. One day his granddaughter was visiting him and she told her granddad that he needed to wake up so he could take her fishin' cause no one else would. That did the trick and he did and they did.

The grandmother went on to tell us that same, now teenage, granddaughter just brought her 2 big trouts a few weeks ago. She had gone fishin' with her boyfriend and the boyfriend had read a book while his girlfriend fished. The grandmother didn't seem to be too impressed with this boyfriend who would read a book instead of fish. I commented that at least he had gone with her so he could be with her while she fished even if he didn't enjoy the sport. The woman just shook her head and leaned in toward me as she said, "She's just gonna have to find a new boyfriend, that's as plain as day."

Susan and I have talked about that trip to the sporting goods store and that story about fishing many times since we returned home. The trip would not have been the same without that story. Our visit to the store would not have been as friendly and welcoming without that story. We would not have gotten to know the owners as well without that story. In the sharing of the words was the sharing of the heart of that family. The story was a gift to us and that gift continues to give life and grow as I share it now with you. I don't think spiders can do that....it's what we have that they don't......but you just never know- and I could be wrong.....it's happened before.