Letting It Out

We live in a scary time.
Maybe the world has always been scary for those living in it but it seems like people feel especially vulnerable right now...and not in a good Brené Brown way.


I think the human tendency is to withdraw into the security of walled emotions and anonymous safety when times are challenging. It makes a lot of sense logically. Yet, in the realm of connectedness, it is the opposite of what we need to do to change the world. When we act as though what we do makes a difference, we act differently...and what we do makes a difference.


Each of us has great ideas and inspirational stories within us. Take all of your giftedness and use it to begin to change the world in which you live. All that it takes for disconnection and an agenda of fear to thrive is for good people to begin think they do not matter and quit contributing. Let the good that is in you fill you up and spill out so that the world can be the fertile place we all need to survive and thrive.




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. 
~Anne Frank




I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. 
~Edward Everett Hale




If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. ~Mother Teresa




Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking "What's in it for me?" 
~Brian Tracy

Letting Go

One of my biggest challenges is attachment- being attached too much to the outcome of a situation. It is a hard lesson for me to learn: the tighter I hold onto something, the more I risk missing out on a blessing.

I create little stories in my head of how I would like a certain situation to unfold. Then I do my best to do my part. When the unfolding gets to happening, if I can just let go and enjoy the results, things go well and I am able to be surprised and amazed.

But, when the unfolding begins to go in a direction I had not planned and I either try to control it, or at least I am disappointed, then I usually miss the wonder and the gift because I am still in my head asking, "What happened?"

It is then I need to return to my mantra: "Just let go. You already have all that you need."
I guess I'm still learning.

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People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

A warrior doesn't know remorse for anything he has done,

because to isolate one's acts as being mean, or ugly, or evil is to place an unwarranted importance on the self.

--Carlos Casteneda

     

He who binds to himself a joy

Does the winged life destroy;

But he who kisses the joy as it flies

Lives in Eternity's sunrise.

--William Blake

“As spiritual searchers we need to become freer and freer of the attachment to our own smallness in which we get occupied with me-me-me. Pondering on large ideas or standing in front of things which remind us of a vast scale can free us from acquisitiveness and competitiveness and from our likes and dislikes. If we sit with an increasing stillness of the body, and attune our mind to the sky or to the ocean or to the myriad stars at night, or any other indicators of vastness, the mind gradually stills and the heart is filled with quiet joy. Also recalling our own experiences in which we acted generously or with compassion for the simple delight of it without expectation of any gain can give us more confidence in the existence of a deeper goodness from which we may deviate."

--Ravi Ravindra

“Practice giving things away, not just things you don't care about, but things you do like. Remember, it is not the size of a gift, it is its quality and the amount of mental attachment you overcome that count. So don't bankrupt yourself on a momentary positive impulse, only to regret it later. Give thought to giving. Give small things, carefully, and observe the mental processes going along with the act of releasing the little thing you liked.

--Robert A.F. Thurman

Should One Argue with The Buddha?

I know what The Buddha was trying to say in this quote: all we really have is the present moment. If we spend most of our time in the past or the future, we are living in a place we cannot affect. All we have control over is our "right now."

It is tempting to re-write the past with our memories... It is so much easier to live in nostalgia-ville where we can conveniently forget the challenges and only remember the romance. I believe this is where many people in our country who are extrememly conservative- religious or political- spend most of their time. It is also easier to spend our time talking about what will happen in heaven after we die than to begin to work now to have a preview of heaven on earth.

However, realistically, we know that if we do not ever dream/think about the future, if we fail to plan for the future, then we it arrives, we will be at the mercy of our past sowing- a time when we had no thought for the reaping.

Being a well grounded person means looking at the big picture of our lives: looking at who we are called to be and how we wish to grow into that calling, choosing the path that is right for us now, and following that path through all of its twists and turns and ups and downs. Eventually the future will become the present and we will have to live in it. If we have paid attention to the trees in the now with some thought for the forest of the future, the land we inhabit during our lifetime will be lush with our careful plans and blossoming dreams.





“Cheshire Puss,…Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“–so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”                                                                                      from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll





"Few people have any next, they live from hand to mouth without a plan, and are always at the end of their line."
                                                                                     -Ralph Waldo Emerson





No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.
                                                                                    -Harry Emerson Fosdick

Happiness Checklist

 Do I practice what I preach?

What speaks louder? My actions or my words?

Does right thinking influence behavior or does right behavior influence thought? 

 

 At each moment you choose the intentions that will shape your experiences
and those things upon which

you will focus your attention.
--Gary Zukov

Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
--Stephen Covey

 To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.

--Confucius

Got Peace?

Wherever you go, there you are.

You can only journey from where you are already standing.

What is real?

"We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again, if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjur up to avoid the unavoidable."

Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Do you have the patience to wait

till your mud settles and the water is clear?

Can you remian unmoving

till the right action arises by itself?"

Lao-Tzu

"Don't go outside your house to see the flowers.

My friend, don't bother with that excursion.

Inside your body there are flowers.

One flower has a thousand petals.

That will do for a place to sit.

Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty

inside the body and out of it,

before gardens and after gardens."

Kabir

"Direct your eye right inward,

and you'll find

A thousand regions in your mind

Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be

Expert in home-cosmography."

Thoreau

Another Way to Foster Happiness

In addition to expressing gratitude, and investing in relationships, another way to foster happiness in our lives is to have goals to work towards.

People who are working towards a goal are happier than those of us who have no goals or who feel we have reached our goals and now are at a stand still.  Goals don't just help individuals spice up their life and be more content.  When couples/friends/groups, work towards a goal together, it not only makes them happier...it makes the relationships stronger.

Goal setting forces us to look at our lives and see what we want the big picture to look like. After we have an idea of where we want to go, we can break the bigger journey down into smaller distances. In this way, we have the big goal and then we can create smaller goals to help us reach our destination.



It is easy to see why so many people are challenged when they get to what we call "mid life." They are often in a job they've held for a while and it is getting routine. Maybe it doesn't even fit their life and personality anymore but they have kept doing it to put bread on the table...but now the table has fewer place settings because the kids are grown and on their own. Now that the raising of the children is over ....Or ...now that the house they worked so hard to build is beautiful and quite finished...where do they go from here?




Some goal setting tips for creating a SWEET life:

• Be as Specific as you can about what you want to achieve
• Write your goals down.  You may even want to write everything down...               the pondering, the questions, the winding road of thoughts that leads to the embracing of the final goal(s).
• Create goals that Energize you. If what you are thinking you should do feel likes a drag to you, it is less likely that you will do it.
• Make the goals small enough that they are fairly Easy to achieve and measure. Being overwhelmed by a daunting task leads to procrastination and a feeling of hopelessness....which does not foster that happiness we are looking to cultivate.. ;-) We want to be able to enjoy the journey and know when we have finished one goal and can move on to the next one.
• Set aside quality Time to evaluate your life and goals. If possible, go away for a day or two to a place where you can relax, let go of your usual worries, and dream big.

by Canadian designer Aaron Christopher Judd 

More Contentment

At the end of last week's blog I said: "In reality, all of us could be without a home or a vehicle or...insert words here...in an instant. There are no guarantees."


I used to work at a church and one of the parts of the job I really enjoyed was answering the door when people came looking for help. In the course of trying to find how best the church could help them, I had many conversations with the seekers. One thing that made an impression on me year after year was that most of the people at the door did not have relationships with friends or family that could sustain them in their time of need. I came to see that homelessness, especially in the case of single individuals, said something not only about the person's ability to find and hold down a paying job but also about the state of their relationships with others.


That brings me to happiness and the second quality of people who are happy.
The happiest people are those who invest in relationships with others.

One must be careful when reading the above statement. Even though happy people generally invest themselves in relationships, we are each responsible for our own happiness. Looking to other people to make us happy does not work. Saying that I must be in a relationship with so-and-so in order to be happy is a slippery slope.


True happiness comes from within and not from others.



Yale University Psychologist June Gruber: “The strongest predictor of happiness is not money, or external recognition through success or fame, it’s having meaningful social relationships. That means the best way to increase your happiness is to stop worrying about being happy and instead divert your energy to nurturing the social bonds you have with other people."



Investing in relationships means spending time with others, giving of yourself to others and allowing them to give back to you. At the heart of investing in relationships is the ability to be open and vulnerable and allow yourself to receive comfort from others.



So find occasions to enjoy and nurture the relationships you already have and also to encourage new friendships. One of the ways you can strengthen your relationships is to do a certain thing together....no....I'm not talking about anything sexual....more about that next time.




In the meantime, here's something else for you to do:

The Oxford Happiness Inventory, developed by psychologists Michael Argyle and Peter Hills at Oxford University in 2001, shows positive correlations for happiness with satisfaction with life, self-esteem, and sociability.

Take the Happiness Inventory for yourself at
http://www.meaningandhappiness.com/oxford-happiness-questionnaire/214/