Waiting is Difficult

We don't like to wait
(except for good things like Christmas and childbirth and vacations- waiting times that are filled with delicious daydreams about what we will actually experience when the joyful time arrives)
but, even with our dislike of the process, there are many times when we are called to wait- or at least shown that it would be the prudent course of (non) action.
At those times, the excruciating discomfort of cooling our jets and finding something else to do with our energy can be mentally and even physically challenging.





Several years ago when I was going through a painful time in my life I read the book, When the Heart Waits, by Sue Monk Kidd.  The subtitle of her book is spiritual direction for life's sacred questions.  In that book I found much wisdom to get me to take a few healthy steps in the direction of wholeness. I have gone back to When the Heart Waits many times since then to read again her words of wisdom. Today those words are calling to me yet another time. May they help you also, dear spiritual pilgrim, on whatever journey you are called, to take a few healthy steps in the direction of wholeness today.



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"Crisis, change, all the myriad upheavals that blister the spirit and leave us groping-- they aren't voices simply of pain but also of creativity."


When we are asked to wait... "we're asked to collaborate with grace.
That doesn't mean grace isn't a gift. Nor does it mean the deliberate process of waiting produces grace. But waiting does provide the time and space necessary for grace to happen. Spirit needs a container to pour itself into. Grace needs an arena in which to incarnate. Waiting can be such a place, if we allow it."


"Transformations come only as we go the long way round, only as we're willing to walk a different, longer, more arduous, more inward, more prayerful route."


"Where is our willingness to incubate pain and let it birth something new?...
Creativity flourishes not in certainty but in questions."


"The natural gradient in us is toward growth. Whatever we use repeatedly and compulsively to stop growth is our particular addiction....Darting through life at a progressively increasing speed diverts us from deeper realities. Likewise, latching onto easy, quick-fix solutions becomes a way of escaping the slow pain of uncertainty and self-confrontation. It helps us to avoid the misery of wading through the inner mire toward change.

The quick and easy path is an "acceptable" way of avoidance, and one that can hold enormous power over us. We might complain (though that complaint is often hard to distinguish from boasting) of how pushed and hurried we feel, but we can't seem to extricate ourselves from the frenzy. We're unable to truly see that 'there is more to life than increasing its speed' as Ghandi put it........
....I had to face the fact that my inability to wait was symptomatic of something amiss in my soul."

"Contemplative waiting is consenting to be where we really are. People recoil from it because they don't want to be present to themselves." 
Brother Anthony at the Abbey of Gethsemani




"Entrainment is the phenomenon of two rhythmic things gradually altering their movements until they're moving together in the same rhythm. Pendulums hanging on the same wall do it; crickets do it when they chirp; even people do it when they talk. The point is we tend to align ourselves wiht the rhythm and pace around us. If you want to stay in your waiting, you'll need to refrian from the frantic pace around you. The important thing is to be still." 
Dr. Beatrice Bruteau




"When we learn to wait, we experience where we are as what is truly substantial and precious in life. We discover, as T. S. Eliot wrote,  "A lifetime burning in every moment."

Indra's Net

"Far away in the heavenly abode of the great god Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out infinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel in each "eye" of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering like stars in the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurring."

Francis H. Cook   in Hua-Yen Buddhism: The Jewel Net of Indra

“The important element is the way in which all things are connected. Every thought and action sends shivers of energy into the world around us, which affects all creation. Perceiving the world as a web of connectedness helps us to overcome the feelings of separation that hold us back and cloud our vision. This connection with all life increases our sense of responsibility for every move, every attitude, allowing us to see clearly that each soul does indeed make a difference to the whole.”
by Emma Restall Orr

Monkey Mind

"Many so-called enlightened people regard this frequent offering of one and the same prayer as useless and even trifling, calling it mechanical and a thoughtless occupation of simple people. But unfortunately they do not know the secret which is revealed as a result of this mechanical exercise; they do not know how this frequent service of the lips imperceptibly becomes a genuine appeal of the heart, sinks down into the inward life, becomes a delight – becomes, as it were, natural to the soul, bringing it light and nourishment and leading it on to union with God."  --from "The Way of a Pilgrim"




Lately my mind has been so busy with chatter that I find it extremely difficult to sit down and write anything meaningful so I have shied away from this blog. Today, as I again pondered topics and spiritual themes, I remembered that one of the ways I decide what to write about is to ask myself what I need to hear most, realizing that others might benefit from that message as well.  I'm sure some of you reading this have moments/days/weeks where you have a difficult time quieting your mind. Sometimes there is a lot of noise in there.


In Buddhism there is a state referred to as "monkey mind." It means a mind that is unsettled and restless. The term is used to refer to a person who has difficulty settling down to meditate- often a beginner. It is called monkey mind because instead of staying in the present, the mind jumps around from subject to subject in the same way that young monkeys jump excitedly from tree to tree.


Buddhist practices suggest that the way to tame this monkey mind is to make time in your day to practice some form of meditation. Many teachers recommend meditating just 20 minutes a day.




"To develop your concentration, you may want to start by focusing on the breath while you meditate. Whenever your monkey mind starts acting up, observe your thoughts and then return your focus to your breath. Some breathing meditations call on you to focus on the rise and fall of the breath through the abdomen, while others have you concentrate on the sound of the breath.
Fire can also be mesmerizing, and focusing on a candle flame is another useful tool for harnessing the mind. Keep the gaze soft and unfocused while observing the color, shape, and movement of the flame, and try not to blink. Close your eyes when you feel the need and continue watching the flame in your head.
Chanting, devotional singing, and mantras also still the mind. However you choose to tame the monkey mind, do so with firm kindness. The next time the chattering arises, notice it and then allow it to go away. With practice, your monkey mind will become quiet and so will you."
(from Daily Om: Nurturing Mind, Body & Spirit   www.dailyom.com)




It might seem strange to make time in the day to sit quietly when the mind is jumping around but it works.


I like to use a mantra to still my mind. A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation."  Some people believe that mantras are sacred sounds that have no exact translation but instead create vibrations that correspond to what amounts to a spiritual radio frequency. These mantras are one word or a short phrase used to create this sacred sound. Mantras are said silently in the mind and also chanted aloud.


Words used as mantras with no exact translation are called 'seed mantras' because they are used to create- grow- spiritual energy. The word OM (ome) is a popular mantra and symbolizes the sound of the universe.


Some people believe that it is less important what words a person uses and more important that they cultivate the spiritual practice of using a mantra. To these practitioners, any healing and meaningful words chanted over and over as a way to loosen the hold of thought on the mind can be used as a mantra.


The spiritual teacher Eknath Easwaran says:

"A mantra is a powerful spiritual formula, which when repeated silently in the mind, has the capacity to transform consciousness. There is nothing magical about this. It is simply a matter of practice. The mantra is a short, powerful spiritual formula for the highest power that we can conceive of – whether we call it God, or the ultimate reality, or the Self within. Whatever name we use, with the mantra we are calling up what is best and deepest in ourselves. Once you have chosen your mantra, do not change it. If you do, you will be like a person digging shallow holes in many places, you will never go deep enough to find water. A mantra is most effective when repeated silently in the mind."

SUGGESTED MANTRAS:

from the Buddhist tradition:

Om mani padme hum   (“The jewel in the lotus of the heart”)

 

Namu Amidabutsu   (“I put my faith in the Buddha of infinite light”)

from the Christian tradition:

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me   (Known as the Jesus Prayer)

Kyrie eleison    (“Lord have mercy”; short form of the Jesus Prayer in Greek)

Gospodi pomilui   (“Lord have mercy”; short form of the Jesus Prayer in Russian)

Ave Maria

Hail Mary

Deus meus et omnia  (Latin)
My God and my all  (same as above but in English)

(This was the phrase used by Saint Francis in his prayers.)

Om Yesu Christu

from the Hindu tradition:

Rama

Haré Rama, Haré Rama
Rama Rama, Haré Haré
Haré Krishna, Haré Krishna
Krishna Krishna, Haré Haré

Om Sri Ram, jai Ram, jai jai Ram

Om namah Shivaya

Om Bhavani   (A mantram in honor of the Divine Mother)

 

from the Jewish tradition:

Barukh attah Adonai

Ribono shel olam  (“Lord of the universe”)

from the Islamic tradition:

Allah

 

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim   (“In the name of Allah, the merciful, the compassionate”)

from the non-religious tradition:




Let there be peace on earth





Let peace begin with me






Bring light to the darkness of my heart

To Be or Not to Be...that really IS the question

I can't imagine a more miserable life than living a divided life where it feels like the person you truly are is negated constantly by the situation in which you find yourself...where you have a hard time keeping your balance from meeting to meeting because the "floor" of your messed up world rocks like a ship in a storm. I know that I can't imagine a more miserable life because I've lived that divided life and I'm here to tell you, it doesn't feel like living...it more closely resembles what I would call torture. (I've really "lived" before too...fortunate me...so I know the difference. Imagine what one would be tempted to try to endure if one was under the mistaken assumption that what they were going through was "living".)

There are times, even in a life lived in wholeness, that things are difficult....many times. I'm not saying that if things are tough then we are living a divided life. I am talking about a person who knows in their spirit what their truth is....who they really are... but the situation in which they find themselves....what is expected of them.... is constantly trying to erode that self knowledge and truth. I think it happens in our world much more than we would like to admit. We talk bravely about the need to "learn to play the game"....that before one can change the rules one needs to become an insider and learn to play by the messed up rules. I've said those things myself before.

Here's the danger as I see it: Each moment we deny who we are as a person of wholeness and integrity, and engage in a system of deceit and brokenness, is a moment where we are taking a dangerous chance with our spirit. When I used to make snotty faces at my mother she used to tell me to be careful or my face might stay that way. I wonder how many fractured souls started out as someone just trying to play the game until they got some power....and now their face can't change back?

Blessed

I often say I feel blessed...or that I am so blessed...

Today I got to thinking, what does it mean to be blessed? What am I really saying when I say "I feel blessed"?

I don't think it means that I am more special than anyone else.

The dictionary says that blessed means to be made holy, to be sacred or sanctified, to be held in reverence, set apart. Those definitions don't help me very much.

I read in a blog recently that we are all blessed by God to succeed in all we do. I guess I don't buy that either since I know lots of people who aren't succeeding...whatever that really means. If I subscribe to that definition, it means that the people who are having hard times and don't appear to be succeeding are not a success because they are not doing what God wants them to do....and who really knows what the divine wants from another person? Can we really judge that? Sounds too much like the belief that if you aren't prospering...according to my definition, of course...you aren't close to God. I just can't buy the belief that those who are living in unjust situations, who are needy, who are struggling, are doing so because they are not doing God's will.

So...back to being blessed.
I guess when I say that I am blessed I am acknowleging the gifts of life that I have been given, whether I deserve them or not. I am acknowleging that I am a breathing, loving, human being who is graced every day...every moment... with the stuff of the universe....the air, the rain, the sun, technology, violence, poverty, plenty....and it is up to me to make something out of them. Maybe the real blessing is the ability to freely choose the life I wish to live....with its ups and its downs. Maybe the blessing is just to be and to be thankful for what is.

Last night we were walking in the park and there were

dragonflies EVERYWHERE.  

One landed and took off on Chloe's head and I said, "You were blessed.”

She said "Yeah, that's really cool!  It's like some people are blessed when the priest touches their head,

but Unitarians are blessed by dragonflies.”

Shawne, mother of Chloe, & Chloe Coonfare, age 10

3 Poems to Ponder on a Rainy Sunday

I attended a week long Spirituality and Art retreat at St. Meinrad's Monastery in St. Meinrad, Indiana, during the summer of 2010. I was looking back over the entries I made in my journal that summer and reaquainted myself with some of the riches I discovered during that week. Here are a few of the treasures. Enjoy!




The Trouble with Epiphanies
by John L'Heureux

Christ came into my room and stood there
and I was bored to death.
I had work to do.
I wouldn't mind if he'd been crippled or something
-I do well with cripples-
but he just stood there, all face
and with that damned guitar.
I didn't ask him to sit down,
He'd have stayed all day.
Let's be honest.
You can be crucified just so often-
Then you've had it.
I mean you're useless; no good to God,
Let alone anyone else.
So I said to him after a while,
Well, what's up? What do you want?
And he laughed, stupid,
Said he was just passing by
And thought he'd say hello.
Great, I said. Hello.
So he left.
And I was so mad
I couldn't even listen to the radio.
I went and got some coffee.
The trouble with Christ is
He always comes at the wrong time.




"You must learn one thing,
the world was made to be free in.
Give up all other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and
the sweet confinement of your aloneness
to learn anyone or anything that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."
from "Sweet Darkness" by David Whyte






The Well of Grief
by David Whyte

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source
from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else."

Let Go & Listen

I have a bad habit of thinking that I know what is best for other people. I am confessing this sin because I think it is a character defect that many share with me....if there is one thing I have learned in my 53+ years it is that I am not so unusual. I am just the same as everyone else, even if I'd like to think I'm completely unique.

When I project my expectations of how things should be onto someone else, I am failing to recognize the talents and gifts dwelling within the other person. That means that I am negating their uniqueness as an individual and expecting them to fit my mold. How can I really know what lies within another- their potential, their desires, dreams and ambitions- unless they tell me those things? When I am so busy telling them what they should be doing, in effect trying to fix them, or even thinking those things silently, I am not listening to the person and what they are trying to tell me. My mind is closed.

Letting go of my agenda and listening...I think those are the keys to compassion and unconditional love.

LISTEN. When I listen, I am hearing what the other person is saying to me and the dialogue that constantly chatters away in my mind is turned off and not criticising. If I ask a question, it is just to clarify something the talker said that I do not understand. It is not a question meant to lead the speaker in another direction....the path I think they should be on. No giving advice unless specifically asked to do so and then use words sparingly.

"An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires, so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, step inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again."  --M. Scott Peck, MD

In his book, Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer says: "The key to this form of community involves holding a paradox- the paradox of having relationships in which we protect each other's aloneness. We must come together in ways that respect the solitude of the soul, that avoid the unconscious violence we do when we try to save each other, that evoke our capacity to hold another life without dishonoring its mystery, never trying to coerce the other into meeting our own needs."

Amen Brother Palmer. For when all is said and done and boiled down to the essence, what I believe is going on when I try to tell someone else what they should do, or even silently ridicule them, is fear. Fear that someone else will try a different approach than mine and thus call my way of being into question. If others are doing what I am doing then my way of doing things is okay, right? If the road is crowded with fellow travelers then obviously I'm going in the right direction, aren't I?  Fear of uncertainty, inferiority, insecurity....fears that I allow to define me, for fear is natural and even healthy. I can't get away from having fears but I can try not to live out of the fear. Instead I want to choose compassion- opening my heart to the experiences of the other person, truly listening, and allowing that person to define themselves, just as I expect to choose for myself. May it be so for all of us as we swim in this holy water called life.